i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We left the knife in your bed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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