so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
