So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
