im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
