you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
