I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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