I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
