make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize