Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
