dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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