I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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