Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
