The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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