I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
