Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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