How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
