no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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