im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
