Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
