She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize