You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
