Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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