At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All the doctor said was why
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
