I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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