Just fell off a train. Bad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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