Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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