Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
