idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
