You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
