I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we should paint friendship bongs
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