Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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