did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
