my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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