how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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