just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
