I think my vagina is haunted
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize