What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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