come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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