one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
