Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
