You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
