I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
