I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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