When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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