I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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