Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize