Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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