Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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