if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
