Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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