guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
