You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the condom got lost in my hair
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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