Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
