First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
