I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
