so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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