I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
