My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
