dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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