when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
