Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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