just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
