i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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