My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
