Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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