3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
