I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
