Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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