Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
