well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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