and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
