So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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