i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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